May 28th, 2025
One mark of a good friend is constancy. All of us desire to have friends who are loyal, and we cherish friendships that stand the test of time.
Sometimes, though, we can begin to think it’s ok to be rude or impolite to our closest friends, because, after all, “They should love me even when I’m at my worst.”
Sadly, this can happen in marriages. The person who we promised to love and prefer for the rest of our lives gradually becomes someone we no longer want to impress. Instead, a spouse is treated like a college roommate, and poor manners and bad habits once repressed are left out in the open.
Certainly, good friendships can and should overlook character flaws at times, but friendship does not excuse crude behavior or lack of tact.
In the Book of Proverbs, tactfulness is one of the marks of a good friend. Tact has been defined as “the unsaid part of what you think.” Holding back, whether in word or in action, is often wise! Some come by this skill naturally. Others need to work hard to develop tact.
Proverbs 25:17 counsels the reader to limit how much time you spend at your neighbor’s house, “lest he become weary of you and hate you.” We should be careful not to outstay our welcome. Often, people will say as they get up to leave a dinner party, “We should leave so these people can go to bed.” My Dad sometimes playfully inverted the statement when friends were staying too late, “We should go to bed so these people can leave.”
While laughter can be like medicine (Proverbs 25:20), poor timing for mirth and rejoicing can be particularly cruel. “Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound,” reads Proverbs 25:20. In a previous Musing, we discovered that firmness and honesty should characterize our friendships (see Proverbs 27:6), but truth must be tempered with grace and prayerful timing.
Then there’s the practical jokester. Do you have a friend like that? It can be a lot of fun at times, but also quite destructive. Proverbs 26:18-19 warns, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” I learned this lesson the hard way with an April Fool’s Day joke in high school that I took way too far. Before I knew it, a very close friend was in tears because of my foolishness!
Kindness should never be out of style in friendship. Consider how you can be more thoughtful in your speech, presence, and timing. If you do, you’ll continue to develop into a better friend!
Sometimes, though, we can begin to think it’s ok to be rude or impolite to our closest friends, because, after all, “They should love me even when I’m at my worst.”
Sadly, this can happen in marriages. The person who we promised to love and prefer for the rest of our lives gradually becomes someone we no longer want to impress. Instead, a spouse is treated like a college roommate, and poor manners and bad habits once repressed are left out in the open.
Certainly, good friendships can and should overlook character flaws at times, but friendship does not excuse crude behavior or lack of tact.
In the Book of Proverbs, tactfulness is one of the marks of a good friend. Tact has been defined as “the unsaid part of what you think.” Holding back, whether in word or in action, is often wise! Some come by this skill naturally. Others need to work hard to develop tact.
Proverbs 25:17 counsels the reader to limit how much time you spend at your neighbor’s house, “lest he become weary of you and hate you.” We should be careful not to outstay our welcome. Often, people will say as they get up to leave a dinner party, “We should leave so these people can go to bed.” My Dad sometimes playfully inverted the statement when friends were staying too late, “We should go to bed so these people can leave.”
While laughter can be like medicine (Proverbs 25:20), poor timing for mirth and rejoicing can be particularly cruel. “Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound,” reads Proverbs 25:20. In a previous Musing, we discovered that firmness and honesty should characterize our friendships (see Proverbs 27:6), but truth must be tempered with grace and prayerful timing.
Then there’s the practical jokester. Do you have a friend like that? It can be a lot of fun at times, but also quite destructive. Proverbs 26:18-19 warns, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” I learned this lesson the hard way with an April Fool’s Day joke in high school that I took way too far. Before I knew it, a very close friend was in tears because of my foolishness!
Kindness should never be out of style in friendship. Consider how you can be more thoughtful in your speech, presence, and timing. If you do, you’ll continue to develop into a better friend!
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